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12 step AA depression mental health mental illness psychosis relationships schizophrenia Therapy

Discombobulated Thoughts

I had therapy, virtual, on Wednesday.  I went over what was going on in the present.  Then my therapist started asking questions about when I was school age.  Jr high and high school were not the best years of my life.  I had a friend drop me in 8th grade to hang out with more popular friends.  I had a boyfriend in high school who was very critical and was sometimes mean.

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My home life was horrific. My father had an undiagnosed, but quite obvious in hindsight, mental illness and my brother had a severe psychotic disorder. He was nice, just a bit scary to me. Everything was unpredictable. My dad would be fine one day and raging the next. I could not deal with being there so I spent most of my time out, with friends, drinking alcohol or smoking weed. I was very sad, and quiet.

After answering her questions she asked for my thoughts and I said they are discombobulated.  I don’t know what to think.  So, she told me to write down my discombobulated thoughts when they come to me.  She used my own words but I don’t  what she wants.  I am going to email mon.

She gave me other homework. To write what you can gain from AA, without spirituality. That is easier for me. I belong to a secular AA Facebook group. I tried one meeting but I felt out of place and have not looked at others. I did think the accountability and recognition for time sober helped me. I have not gone to meetings lately but I am staying sober,

By Lori Bernstein

I am a mental health paraprofessional with lived experience. I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type and social anxiety. I have gone from being reclusive to public speaking.

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