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alcohol fawn fight flight freeze trauma

Trauma Responses

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We have all heard of the trauma responses Fight or Flight. But, what about Freeze and Fawn?

I grew up in a dysfunctional chaotic household. I never fought but I put the other responses into use.

I would freeze, get quiet, stay out of the way and try to be invisible to avoid any emotional or psychological abuse. It did work, in a way, but I was also overlooked.

I would fawn, people please to the point that I don’t know what I want. I sought external validation.I still don’t feel that I am good enough,

I would take flight and stay away from home as often as I could. I escaped into drugs and alcohol. If I could not physically get away, I would dissociate (space out).

Now, I am safe but old coping skills are hard to change. I have to make an effort to stay present, to think about my wants, to set boundaries.

 

 

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What is one thing you have always wanted to do?

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I saw my therapist today telehealth. One thing he asked me was what do I do for fun or to relax. My knee jerk reaction was that I don’t know how, but I corrected myself. I am a couch potato but I enjoy computer games. I am happy on my couch with my dog typing right now. He asked what is one thing I have always wanted to do, for example, travel, and would I be disappointed if I never do it. I rarely travel, and would like to, but I don’t have a dream destination that I would be upset about not going. I can vacation in my backyard. We go on short overnight trips about an hour away that I enjoy.

It did get me thinking, though, I want to visit my sister in Boston when the weather is nicer. She suggested summer or fall, I have been there once when she first moved but it was a different house. She has a lake she likes to go to that I want to see. I can start planning that trip. My nephew is getting married out of the country but I don’t think I will go. I would like to but it won’t upset me not to be there. Just the coat is too much.

I have new health insurance and took a survey and the result said I am depressed but I feel fine. I am going to ignore that result.

I joined this zoom journaling group through the Mighty. I know everyone has a health condition, not sure if it is all mental health. They list prompts, give 10 minutes to write, share and then repeat. It goes for 3 hours but I leave early because I have another zoom, DBSA later. I feel like my writing is rainbows and puppy dogs and other people go deep. They are nice to me, I can’t go this week but I think I will continue. I know I have other emotions they just aren’t being prompted.

i zoomed with endocrinologist after therapist.My labs were good. I told her I stopped keto in dec and don’t want to go back to where I started but I don’t like logging food and counting carbs. She said I can visually see if my meals are less than 1/4 starchy carbs. I fill myself up with veggies. Beans are my main starchy food. I can do that.

I got a call from an old co worker. we worked at an activity center for adults with mental health issues. we have both moved on. he is now working at a new peer advocacy non profit, I don’t know if it is the grass looking greener. I am content where I am but get antsy when I am not busy I have a lot of down time that should change once I can get trained on some more tasks.