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corona virus family graduation high school stay at home

This had to be my son’s senior year in high school

I know this is pretty trivial. People are dying. People are risking their lives. We just have to stay at home. I get it. It is just hard for a teenager.

My husband, daughter and I are handling the stay home order pretty well. My daughter has her college classes online and enjoys reading and watching shows . My husband and I still go to work. He is doing okay with this, I would stay at home most of the time anyways. The only one enjoying this is the dog. He loves having us here more often,

My son misses his friends. They talk online and play games, but it is not like being in person. He works for the rec dept and that is on hold. His classes are all online. He is having a hard time. I am sure the teachers are doing a great job, he just is a slow reader and learns by doing. He is an Eagle Scout and misses scout activities. He is involved with a Jewish teen group and he misses that. Sometimes he goes by himself for car rides just to get out.

I am at a loss for what to tell him. We have never gone through this before. I tell him it will end, we just don’t know when. I hope we are able to do something for his graduation.

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anxiety disability eugenics motherhood pandemic politics relationships schizoaffective schizophrenia virtual doctor

My government is trying to kill me and other news

I have a form of schizophrenia and people have been suggesting my fears are delusions, but some things are obviously true.

I am in the USA. Our president is playing games with state governors for medical equipment and supplies. If they don’t compliment, praise him in the media so he can win votes he won’t order supplies, He buys them up, or tells vendors not to sell to them. I am talking ppe and ventilators, test kits. Even if we have more tests available someone has to obtain sample and needs ppe. He has kept testing low to keep numbers of reported cases low and people don’t take the mitigation policies seriously.

He suggested that our elders and high risk people are expendable. Worth the “sacrifice” for Wall Street. Hospitals are deciding who should get first choice of ventilators, who not to resuscitate, They will choose to give up on the disabled. I don’t know where I fall in those discussions. I have loved ones that would die. All we can do is try to hide from the virus.

Our president only thinks of money and power, has no humanity, I feel helpless and the ones in power are moving really slowly. We let him become above the law.

His followers don’t care he is killing them and us. They are blinded. You would think when it is affecting you, personally, you would wake up, but no. There is so much propaganda, the media perpetuates it. He lies on tv and they still play it.

I feel like I am in a simulation (that is my mental illness) and just want it to end. I worry about myself and those around me. This virus is so infectious. I am in CA. Our governor says they predict over 50% of us over the year. I think it is inevitable I will catch it, just don’t know when. He also said maybe 12 more weeks of stay home order. People complain of boredom. If that is the main complaint that is ideal in a pandemic.

I just go to work and home. I work in a residential mental health facility. My views are my own not my employer, we need to put disclaimers. We take our temp before shift and resident vitals daily. So far the residents are restless but healthy. It is an 80 bed facility. It would be a disaster if we get an outbreak. No visitors, no packages, stay on site.

I am scared. I try to distract myself. I watch tv shows and go on social media. I do not watch our president talk, it just makes me upset. Our governor is calming. It is bad news but I feel like he is a good leader. My mom and mother in law are high risk and stay inside. Mother in law is alone. she gets lonely. We call everyday but I wish we could do more. She has not figured out video meetings yet. I wish I could just go there and show her, but if I could we would not need it. My mom gets frustrated with technology,

My husband is still working, too. He works in communications for the school district. All teaching is online now, so that is important. He goes to grocery store and anything we need. I really don’t want him to get sick. There is a shortage of masks so they told us not to wear them. I think that recommendation will change soon, I see people say how to make them but it is too complicated for me.

My children are 18 and 21. My daughter is home from college and everything is online. My son is a senior in high school. It is hard from him being away from his friends. He is no longer working, youth sports, because it is cancelled. He interacts with his friends online or goes out for a drive alone.

I had a cold that turned into a sinus infection and saw a doc via telemedicine, I recommend highly. there are so many things that are now accommodated for and I hope that continues after this is all over.

I like Biden for President. He has compassion. I don’t care to debate. This is all my opinion,

Men keep sliding into my DMs. I am not used to this. I am happily married,. I can follow on social media without messaging. It makes me uncomfortable. You can message me anything important, like how to protect myself and others, but I won’t respond generally to chit chat.

Categories
corona virus pandemic psychosis schizoaffective schizophrenia

When Psychotic disorders and Pandemics Collide

I have been stable without any major psychotic symptoms for 15 years. I have not been hospitalized since 2005. This week my head is spinning.

I don’t know whether the pandemic is a delusion, everyone tells me it is real, if people are playing tricks on me. I only have what I get on social media, I am staying home except for essentials. Part of me thinks this whole thing was planned but got bungled

I talk to my family and people online. They tell me it was a mutation of a virus. Natural. That I should keep staying home and washing hands. I am scared. Had a cold that turned into a sinus infection that is mostly cleared up. My dr okayed for me to go back to work mon. Now, that i am physically ready I am not sure about mentally.

I am terrified I will get sick and inadvertently cause an outbreak at work or home. I am not sick now. Called my psychiatrist and left a message, hopefully I can talk with him mon. I had just scaled back on therapy because things were going well. I contacted and will make phone appointment

People tell me to stay away from social media, but how would I have known about this. I want to be informed. I feel dizzy. Maybe I am hyperventilating I am anxious.

I walked the dog with my husband keeping distance from others. I ordered a #cameo from a great comedian @DarrenCarter

My plan is to go into work mon until I talk to psychiatrist to get his thoughts. So, this weekend is staying close to home, which I do anyways,

I am scared

Categories
coronavirus pandemic virtual doctor

Virtual Dr Visit

I had a cold that slowly got better but lasted about 2 weeks, then suddenly I was really congested with cough, felt lousy and miserable. Being sick during a pandemic made me panicky. I was scared to death I was going to inadvertently cause deaths by being around anyone.

Fortunately, my sister is a nurse practitioner . When I described my symptoms she said that sounds like a sinus infection. So, the next morning I called to make a dr appointment. Since I had a cough they asked if I would like to make a virtual, through zoom, appointment. They take my insurance, but there is self pay option.

The dr confirmed it is a sinus infection and ordered antibiotics. I am already starting to feel better. It was so easy, there was a long wait but it was much better than being in a crowded waiting room. Highly recommend.

Categories
bipolar Dysfunctional mental illness parenting Recovery schizoaffective Therapy trauma

Dysfunction Junction

My father had an undiagnosed mental illness, probably bipolar, but I did not know that at the time. He was just a moody, raging, jerk. People knew but no one wants to interfere. I remember we had an uncle who was physically abusive to his kids, maybe his wife, I don’t know. Everyone knew about it but nothing was done. We are all grown with families of our own now and the perps have died.

My mother is passive and anxious. She did not want to disturb anything. She would tell us our father was just joking and he is wonderful when he would say or do hurtful things.

My dad has passed and can’t hurt me anymore. My mom and I have a strained relationship. I don’t want to put any hope into it growing into more. But, we can be amicable and she does not upset me so much.

And, I had an older brother who had a psychotic disorder, maybe schizoaffective like me, but my dad did not believe in psychiatry so the only help he got was when he got picked up by the police for observation. He would stop any meds as soon as he got home. Nothing changed. He died young at 26. I don’t know if it was an accident or suicide. He fell at a waterfall. But, I felt I had lost my brother years before, when he first got sick.

Everyone else in my family is over it all. I don’t know if I should let it go or if I could heal.

I was watching a YouTube on dysfunctional “tricky” families and childhood ptsd. https://youtu.be/EBpF8sWycQQ

I could answer yes to almost everything and a few maybe’s. He suggests working with a therapist.

I have a new therapist. I don’t know what to work on. Day to day, things are okay. I kind of went through my family history with her last time.

Or should I be done with therapy? I am pretty stable and see a psychiatrist. Things in my day to day life are fine. My past is a mess, but maybe I should just leave it there. My father discouraged me from going to therapy. “You talk about the past and it just makes people sad.” I thought he was being ignorant. Of course, it is more than that. But, did he have a point?

I plan to ask my therapist next time I see her if she thinks I even need it.

Categories
Inner demons mental illness Responsibility schizoaffective schizophrenia Therapy Uncategorized

Inner Demons

I have shame about past behavior. I am not ready to disclose to anyone. I have a therapist but am not able to tell. I won’t repeat or get in that situation again.

I don’t know if any or all is related to mental illness. Probably some

I lied, sometimes for no reason. I did not ask for help when I was in over my head, for fear. I am not sure why I was afraid.

I regret things that happened 20 years or more ago. But I re-live it like it is today.

Categories
alphabet game Uncategorized zero

My Hero Zero

I grew up with schoolhouse rock. I am ending the alphabet game with Zero (my hero)

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alphabet game Uncategorized Yippee

Yippee!

I am almost done with the alphabet game

source

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alphabet game Xanthine

Xanthines

It was hard to come up with a word that starts with X. I like xylophones, I guess.

I decided to go with a chemical compound called a xanthine. Different products come from xanthines like: caffeine, theobromine (found in chocolate) and theophylline (a bronchodilator).

I have an issue with fatigue. I take some medications that are sedating, I have sleep apnea. I don’t know if there is more to it. I wear an appliance and sleep on my side and sleep better, but it is not enough.

I am dependent on caffeine. If I don’t drink coffee in the morning, I can barely leave my bed. So, I drink my coffee and also take a medication called modafinil (it is a mild stimulant used for narcolepsy, shift work, and sleep apnea), and, I can function.

I also like chocolate

I am grateful for Xanthines.

Categories
7 wonders of the world alphabet game Lee Ann Womack Uncategorized Wonder

Never lose your sense of Wonder

It was hard to choose a W word. I thought of water or wisdom, but am going with Wonder.

I am in awe of nature and it’s many wonders. I am curious and wonder about many things.

I have never seen any of the 7 Wonders of the world

(The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World : Great Pyramid of Giza, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, Statue of Zeus at Olympia, Mausoleum at Halicarnassus (also known as the Mausoleum of Mausolus), Colossus of Rhodes, and the Lighthouse of Alexandria)

 

dog-647528_640

Image by Pezibear from Pixabay

I am not much for dancing but I like the idea behind this song.

I Hope You Dance
Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(If you are new to my blog, I was inspired by the blog of by Janet “endless rivers” https://endless-rivers.com/2019/08/26/the-alphabet-game/  to go through the alphabet writing about various words. )