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anxiety Calories depression diabetes Donation intermittent fasting keto life lessons Marrow Medication mental health mental illness schizoaffective schizophrenia stigma Weight loss

Intermittent Fasting (IF) and Stigma in Plasma Donation

Image of insulin and glucagon levels over time source Digbi Health

I saw the image above of how insulin drops between meals and while fasting. While insulin is low, glucagon can burn body fat. I was intrigued. I am 10 lbs away from a healthy BMI, but still have abdominal fat. I am type 2 diabetic and asked my doctor if fasting would be safe. My glucose is pretty well controlled and I don’t have hypoglycemic episodes. She said it is fine, but recommended 12-14 hour fasts. Which is mainly cutting out the nighttime snacking and eating breakfast later.

So far, no change. My weight has been stalled for awhile. My diabetes medication was reduced in June and my biometrics went south. Glucose up, ketones down, weight up. Thankfully, that stabilized but I can’t get my weight to go down. I log my food on an app (Cronometer) but sometimes I estimate weights. I am going to have to get better at calorie counting to start losing again.

So I am gung ho on intermittent fasting. Watching Dr Fung YouTube videos. Then, I saw this study. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34135111/
A randomized controlled trial to isolate the effects of fasting and energy restriction on weight loss and metabolic health in lean adults

All I can see is the abstract and I heard a review but this is what I got out of it. There were 3 groups. One calorie restricted, one calorie restricted (same as group 1) but alternate day Fasting and a third group with no calorie restriction. The calorie restricted groups both lost the same amount of weight but the non fasting group lost more fat.

It was a short study 4 weeks, I think, and these were lean adults. Also, they were doing longer fasts than I am. But, I don’t know what to make of it. I would have expected the fat loss to either be similar or more for the fasting group since they have lowered insulin during the fasting period. if anyone has any insights let me know in the comments. I will stay with 12-14 hr fasts and keto diet for now.

I tried donating plasma at a donation center. I tried calling ahead to ask about restrictions but they do not give that information over the phone. And, they don’t take appointments for first time donors so I had to walk in and wait. For what it was it was not too bad. First someone checked my veins, which are fine. Then I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork. Then, I watched a video on plasma donation and read through a manual for first time donors.

Then, a woman, I don’t know her title, took me to an office to go over my paperwork. She got to the medications and asked what each was for and looked them up in a huge book. I take 7 medications for various conditions. After she goes through the medications she goes over them with me.

Most were fine. I take antidepressants but as long as anxiety and depression are under control it is fine. But, I take metformin for diabetes. She said that is a temporary deferral. If I was off it for a year I could come back. I don’t know what the likelihood of me maintaining my diabetes by diet alone is, my husband is able to, so possibly. Then she got to abilify which is an antipsychotic although it is sometimes used along with an antidepressant for depression. But, I told her I take it for schizoaffective disorder. That is a permanent deferral.

Bone marrow donation has the same policy. It is not the safety of the product. They consider me a safety hazard. I have been stable for 15 years but still people are afraid of me because of a diagnosis. They should have a sign out front: schizophrenics need not apply. So, I would not have had to waste my time.

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12 step AA depression mental health mental illness psychosis relationships schizophrenia Therapy

Discombobulated Thoughts

I had therapy, virtual, on Wednesday.  I went over what was going on in the present.  Then my therapist started asking questions about when I was school age.  Jr high and high school were not the best years of my life.  I had a friend drop me in 8th grade to hang out with more popular friends.  I had a boyfriend in high school who was very critical and was sometimes mean.

Creative Commons girlshealth.gov

My home life was horrific. My father had an undiagnosed, but quite obvious in hindsight, mental illness and my brother had a severe psychotic disorder. He was nice, just a bit scary to me. Everything was unpredictable. My dad would be fine one day and raging the next. I could not deal with being there so I spent most of my time out, with friends, drinking alcohol or smoking weed. I was very sad, and quiet.

After answering her questions she asked for my thoughts and I said they are discombobulated.  I don’t know what to think.  So, she told me to write down my discombobulated thoughts when they come to me.  She used my own words but I don’t  what she wants.  I am going to email mon.

She gave me other homework. To write what you can gain from AA, without spirituality. That is easier for me. I belong to a secular AA Facebook group. I tried one meeting but I felt out of place and have not looked at others. I did think the accountability and recognition for time sober helped me. I have not gone to meetings lately but I am staying sober,

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12 step AA alcoholism depression Dual diagnosis mental health mental illness schizoaffective schizophrenia sobriety

Moods and Sobriety?

I noticed it in the tone of my texts. I am insignificant I told a friend. Another friend asked me to be on a podcast. At first I said yes, but now I am having second thoughts. No one would be interested in anything I have to say

My husband held me, the dog licked me and my son texted he loves me. I can’t feel it. I just feel sad 

I have schizoaffective disorder and take antidepressants and an antipsychotic.

Maybe it is a response to sobriety?  I am not going to drink  I will probably try to get sleep instead

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DBT depression distorted thinking support groups Uncategorized

The Abyss

I won’t pretend to know what Nietzsche meant by “the abyss gazes into you”. The quote came to mind as I feel like I am at the edge of an abyss, gazing into the void. I feel empty. I am ashamed of who I am. If people knew who I really am they would turn away in disgust. I want to disappear. 

I spoke of how sad I am. How I feel I have done terrible wrongs and should be banished, at a support group for mood disorders. The moderator talked about dbt and eventually got around to mindfulness. I have been trying that, but there are too many thoughts. It is hard to focus. Then he mentioned that my self-deprecating thoughts could be a symptom of borderline personality disorder.

That would have been fine, if he had a basis to suggest that, but he just pulled it out if thin air. I went home looking at the symptoms and anxious to talk to my therapist. I was a little anxious going in and very agitated by the end of the meeting. I had trouble getting any words in, it felt like a competition to speak.

I texted my therapist this morning and she wondered why he would have suggested that. She said my thoughts could go along with a number of diagnoses, including depression. And, I am depressed.

I usually find the meetings helpful, but lately I have been leaving feeling worse than when I came.

I get up and face my obligations, but I feel like hiding. “Fake it till you make it.” I never really liked that expression, but I am doing it.

If you got this far, thank you

tl:dr Depression makes everything worse

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alcoholism depression relapse suicide Uncategorized

Hypocrite much?

 

imageI feel like a sham

i tell people coping skills, but I have trouble doing them myself. My therapist told me to try mindfulness. I know what it is. I recommend it. But, my mind spins so much,  i can’t be “mindful”

i have trouble breathing, cbt is out the window, i can’t seem to act as if, if as if is that things don’t suck.

my life is fine, i am fixated on the past. And, that i can’t change it.

and of course, i suck, i suck, i suck!

i slipped and drank, too, which i feel bad about, but if it is drinking or suicide, i don’t think it will hurt.

i am safe. I am afraid i would mess up, as usual, and make my life worse.

i can’t be sick. It is not a good time. It is a very bad time.

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depression mental illness suicide Uncategorized

Depression sucks

I don’t know if anyone else is like this, but I have trouble knowing how I feel.  I knew I was miserable and anxious, but until

depression

my therapist said I was depressed I did not notice.  Someone was trying to help me and asked what I get up for and my immediate response was “obligations”. I am there if I have to be, but otherwise I sleep my life away.

I had a terrible night Tuesday. Ruminating about the past and having suicidal thoughts- repetitively. I hardly slept googling different methods.  I could not figure out what to do, and then beat myself up because I am too stupid. I tried contacting people on the internet but no one is around at 3am.  Then, I thought it was a plot to ignore me to teach me a lesson.

Eventually daytime came. When it was a decent hour I texted my therapist and she called back.  I told her i was thinking about mistakes from the past and that because the past will never change i will always have these thoughts. I was hopeless, Sobbing like a child.  She tried calming me down and showed empathy. I did calm down some, enough to go to work. I was afraid I would start crying at work. I told my co-worker I was having a bad day, but I was there. And, I made it though the day.

I was drained that evening and slept through the night. I saw my psychiatrist today. Luckily, he did not overreact to the suicidal thoughts, they are gone right now, and just changed my medication a little. I am having trouble being hopeful. I feel pressure to stay well. I feel like I can’t get sick. That it would ruin everything.

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depression disability mental illness stigma

Disabilities: What Not To Say

Originally published PsychCentral.com

link

There is a hashtag trending on twitter: #AncientAbledProverbs, started by @HijaDe2Madre. It is about things abled people say to the disabled, often unthinking, that can be hurtful or ignorant. These could be physical or mental, visible or invisible disabilities.

doglisten

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13 reasons why depression Hotline Responsibility suicide Uncategorized

Suicidal Thoughts, Depression and 13 Reasons Why

Originally posted on PsychCentral

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/triple-winner/2017/06/suicidal-thoughts-depression-and-13-reasons-why/

I watched “13 Reasons Why” recently and it got me thinking about my own suicidal thoughts.

suicideprevention

(I am trying not to spoil it too much, but if you are waiting to watch it you may want to hold off reading)

I was an unhappy teen and had some suicidal thoughts but they were passing and I never acted on them.

I have only had one time where I had a plan. It wasn’t very long ago. I had a method and a date picked out. It wasn’t that I wanted to die. I felt like I was a burden and a failure. I didn’t want to exist. But, part of me wanted to live. I told people my plans, and eventually turned over my means to my husband for safe keeping.

But, the thing about having made a plan is that it is still there in my mind. Sometimes, I think of it. Like it is unfinished business.

The show did not delve into the girl, Hannah’s, mental state. The story is from her view and focuses on how others affected her. It touches on many topics and should spur discussions on suicide and prevention.

I liked it. One thing I did not like was that they depicted her committing suicide. They had warnings that there were graphic and disturbing images. What bothers me is that it shows you how. I know you can google anything, and it isn’t new information, but I don’t think it needs to be shown. Just my opinion.

Older adults have higher rates of suicide than teens and young adults and it is the 10th leading cause of death overall.1 Suicide is the second leading cause of death of teens and adolescents. The rates have been climbing yearly.2

There is hope and help. The show seems to send the message that kindness and friendships can keep one from going down that path. But, there are other kinds of help. There are help lines, therapists, psychiatrists. Antidepressant and other types of medications can help pull you out of a dark place.

The series also makes a point about personal responsibility. If one person had cared enough Hannah felt she would not had made that decision. I don’t know how I feel about that. Survivor’s usually have guilt already, wondering what they could have done differently.

I am glad I did not go through with my plan. I would hate to put my family through that and I am happy to be here today.

Crisis Line:

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide,
call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

  1. https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/
  2. http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/suicide
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13 reasons why depression life lessons relationships suicide Uncategorized

13 Reasons Why (thoughts)

I recently watched the Netflix series “13 Reasons Why”. If you haven’t heard of it, it is about a teenage girl who commits suicide.

I don’t have a well-thought out analysis. It brings up many topics and I have no one to discuss them with. I have not read other writings on the series yet.

I am far past my high school years, my daughter graduates this year.  She has seen the show but doesn’t talk to me about much of anything.

SPOILER ALERT: There are spoilers throughout this post, and the series unravels slowly. so if you plan on watching it, read this afterwards.

 

I don’t know where to start, so I am going to ramble.

One thing that troubled me personally, was the suicide scene. Not so much that it was graphic or disturbing (they did have warnings). Just that it depicted how she did it. I know you can google anything, but some people don’t complete suicides because they don’t know how .

The movie tackles issues like gossip, social media, stalking, drunk driving. Objectification, sexual assault and rape.

It makes you think about some of the common statements people say about suicide, that people act out for attention. About suicide awareness or anti-bullying campaigns and how effective they are. And, that how it is said it was the person’s choice and no one’s fault. It makes you think about personal responsibility and if someone could have done something to stop them.

I thought it was well-done. You start out as confused as the main character and things slowly reveal themselves.

It is one viewpoint but it could spur discussions.

I guess I will go read what others have wrote. If you have seen it and have any thoughts I would like to hear them.

I think high school has changed from when I was a teen and it was not easy then. There was not social media. People did not drug drinks. Maybe I am wrong, but it seemed safer in that respect.

Bullying was not addressed and suicide was not talked about.  They didn’t have the number of anti depressants as today and  there was even more stigma on getting psychological help.

I was left wondering what the main male character, Clay, had done. He did what Hannah asked and had his own emotions. There was a whole series of horrible events that she would not have witnessed had he stayed when she told him to leave, but you can’t blame him for that.

It went into the realm of non-consensual sex and how not saying “yes” means “no”. How the young man felt since she came to his party and went in the hot tub she was willing.

There is so much more.

I am going to post now. I may edit and add as I think of things.