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Inner demons mental illness Responsibility schizoaffective schizophrenia Therapy Uncategorized

Inner Demons

I have shame about past behavior. I am not ready to disclose to anyone. I have a therapist but am not able to tell. I won’t repeat or get in that situation again.

I don’t know if any or all is related to mental illness. Probably some

I lied, sometimes for no reason. I did not ask for help when I was in over my head, for fear. I am not sure why I was afraid.

I regret things that happened 20 years or more ago. But I re-live it like it is today.

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alphabet game Uncategorized zero

My Hero Zero

I grew up with schoolhouse rock. I am ending the alphabet game with Zero (my hero)

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alphabet game Uncategorized Yippee

Yippee!

I am almost done with the alphabet game

source

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7 wonders of the world alphabet game Lee Ann Womack Uncategorized Wonder

Never lose your sense of Wonder

It was hard to choose a W word. I thought of water or wisdom, but am going with Wonder.

I am in awe of nature and it’s many wonders. I am curious and wonder about many things.

I have never seen any of the 7 Wonders of the world

(The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World : Great Pyramid of Giza, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, Statue of Zeus at Olympia, Mausoleum at Halicarnassus (also known as the Mausoleum of Mausolus), Colossus of Rhodes, and the Lighthouse of Alexandria)

 

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Image by Pezibear from Pixabay

I am not much for dancing but I like the idea behind this song.

I Hope You Dance
Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(If you are new to my blog, I was inspired by the blog of by Janet “endless rivers” https://endless-rivers.com/2019/08/26/the-alphabet-game/  to go through the alphabet writing about various words. )
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alphabet game Tagline Uncategorized

T is for tagline

What would an Orange County housewife be without a tagline. I am a Bravo TV fan and watch the housewife shows.

I am having trouble coming up with anything original. There are a few quotes I like.

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

Camus

or

“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most”

Mark Twain

 

Maybe something along the lines of:

Schizoaffective disorder does not define me, but it has a strong presence in everything I do.

 

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alphabet game quiet Uncategorized

Quiet

I like places that are peaceful and quiet. I would rather be alone than at a party.

When I was younger, I would barely speak. They called me shy. I have social anxiety. Now, I can speak in front of groups, although I still shake, but it took a lot of work. I am typically a bundle of nerves. I have a number of coping skills. They all help a little, and it adds up.

I have a list of different coping methods here:

https://lorib.blog/2017/03/20/coping-with-schizoaffective-disorder/

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alphabet game neurotransmitters Uncategorized

Neurotransmitters

I don’t understand them well, but neurotransmitters rule my life. Too much dopamine and I get psychotic. Too little serotonin and I am depressed. Along with others like glutamate it is a delicate balance

I take medications and supplements to help restore the balance. They seem to be working. If only they did not come with side effects. My mouth is constantly dry to the point it is hard to talk. I usually carry a bottle of water everywhere. I am chronically fatigued which I believe is due in part to my medications. It is definitely worth those side effects to be functional

Chemical imbalance is one theory for mental illness. In my case it makes sense to me.

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Hope Uncategorized

Hope

My word for the day is Hope.

I have high hopes:

Hopes that I will maintain mental stability

Hopes that I will continue to be able to work

I am content at the moment and I hope things only get better, or stay the same at least

My children are pretty much grown and I hope they have great futures

Having hope helps me to stay focused on my goals and not constantly worry about what could go wrong

 

Hope

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family Uncategorized

I value my Family

Continuing the alphabet game with the letter F.

I have issues with my family of origin, but my little family (husband and 2 children + our dog) is very important to me. Thankfully, we are all doing well.

I worried about how having a mental illness would affect my children, but they are grown now and are great people.  I grew up in fear and I am so happy they are not afraid of me.

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alphabet game Uncategorized

D is for Dog

Raider, my walking antidepressant helps keep me sane.  He needs walks so I have to get out. He is someone to come home to until the rest of my family gets here. He follows me around, wants to be in the same room as me. He is cuddly and cute.

He has his own issues and anxiety. I am doing “mat work” so he has a place to go to and calm down and it is portable.  I have to point for him to remember where to go. We will get there. He is doing good with loose leash walking and “look at me”.  I don’t mind if he walks in front, but his trainer said pulling increases his cortisol, so I am getting him not to pull, mostly. And, his big issue is he growls when he has a special treat if you get near him. We are working on drop it and eventually leave it. He is doing awesome with that.

 

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