I started seeing a new therapist when my insurance changed in January. He started spacing our sessions further apart because I am doing well and run out of things to say. Last month he told me he thinks I just need to see him, as needed, and to contact him if I need an appointment.
I don’t know what to think. I am happy I am doing well but did not know I could finish, with a chronic mental health condition. I do like checking in with someone but I have a psychiatrist and support group and people around me.
When I ask people about it they think I am unhappy and tell me to speak up, but that is not the issue. I am unsure how I feel. I am getting used to the idea now.
I also changed psychiatrist with the insurance change. But, I am having more insurance issues. He is part of a medical group that is covered but they are not recognizing him in their system. They covered the first appointment but denied the second. I filed a grievance and the psychiatrist office says it will be taken care of. It still makes me nervous.
Work is going fine. I work 2 days and they hired someone to work the other 3. I was wondering what he was doing. Work would be piled up for me when I came in. I just found out he has not been working there for over a month I feel silly for not knowing, but no one told me.
Weight watchers is going fine. I had a birthday and celebrated with some desserts. My weight has been going up and down but at least it I have not be gained. I am getting back at it. I got a recipe book when I signed up and have made a few recipes. I made slow cooked oats with fruit and a hash brown and egg meal. I have coconut milk yogurt cooking overnight. I plugged in a blueberry muffin recipe and it is 6 pts which is okay for a treat but I have to limit to one.
I have been attempting to make coconut milk yogurt, but it split into layers and was liquid. I tried different brands of coconut milk and nothing was working. So, I altered the recipe by doubling the gelatin and adding chia seeds. It is a bit of a combo of yogurt and chia pudding. I find it a little bland and am trying to figure out what I can add. Let me know if you have any ideas.
If anyone wants my recipe
3 cans light coconut milk shaken 2 Tb gelatin I Tb sugar Probiotics (you can use a store bought yogurt to start. I used 2 lactobacillus sp. Probiotic tablets for this batch . I will use this yogurt for starting the next) 1tsp inulin 8 Tb chia seeds
Mix gelatin with some of the coconut milk and set aside for 3 minutes Pour the rest of the coconut milk in a pot. Heat over medium heat. Add gelatin mixture and sugar. Whisk while heating. Do not boil. (I am sorry, I don’t know the temperature) Reserve ¼ c and pour the rest into yogurt maker containers. I use 8 6oz containers Let cool to about 105 F or less. Add probiotics and inulin to reserved fluid and mix well Stir one spoonful of probiotic mixture into each container. Heat in yogurt maker at 105F for 24 hrs When done remove from maker. Add 1 Tb chia seeds to each container Refrigerate until firm.
If it is still liquid add another Tb chia seeds to each and chill.
Weight watchers discourages saturated fats, but I find fat filling. I may change my mind, but for now I am eating many of the same foods, but smaller portions. I was at a conference today and used all my daily points by noon, but I can have eggs and veggies for dinner which is not many points.
I stopped keto in Dec. I thought I would get back to it after the New Year but I have been resisting. It is great for my glucose but I found the diet restrictive in food choices. It is sustainable for some. I am gaining back weight. I know someone involved in a MLM that is geared to weight loss, but it is very calorie restricting and you are supposed to purchase their food. I don’t think that would work for me.
I decided to give WW (Weight Watchers) a try. They have a digital plan that is the app, but I don’t know if I can do it on my own. So, I signed up for workshops + digital. It is more expensive but I think it will make me feel accountable. I signed up for 6 months. I am hoping I pick up enough to do it on my own or switch to the digital plan. They have lifetime memberships where if you lose and maintain your weight loss you can have access for free, but I don’t know how that works.
They give you some zero point foods. Mine are poultry, non starchy veggies and legumes. The more zero point foods you choose, the less total points you have to start with. It is pretty easy to track in the app and it is a little different than calorie counting. They guide you toward making healthier choices. You get points back for activity, drinking water and eating non starchy veggies.
I even went to lunch and the most points were for my iced tea. I had minestrone soup and salad. I normally would have eyed the pasta dishes but I wanted to have some points left over for dinner. There are no restrictions on what you can eat. I checked and a shot of liquor is 4 points (out of my 32 total). I went to a virtual meeting for beginners which was helpful. I am planning to go in person on Fri.
My health insurance changed in January. My primary care is the same, but I had to get a new therapist in January. I was approved continuation of care with my psychiatrist, but that fell throug, so I had to find a new psychiatrist, too.
I saw the new psychiatrist on Thursday. Fortunately, he did not want to change my medications. I have been on this combo for years. A friend had recommended a different doctor in the practice but he was booked up so they assigned me to this one. I googled and found him but did not get much information. He seems nice. He ordered refills. Our next appointment is over the phone next month.
I like my new therapist. He makes me think. I asked him what he meant by that article on brain hemispheres and he said just that you can change your thinking at any age.
My daughter is 23 and lives with us. She graduated college last year and plans to get her teaching credential. But, she has not applied, yet. She is afraid to learn to drive and is afraid of Covid. She has a job at the library. We drive her back and forth, which is okay. She just goes to work and home and spends a lot of time in her room.
My therapist suggested we are enabling her to avoid self awareness, and how satisfying is her life if she is isolating? Another thing that is making me wonder. I don’t go out much myself and I feel content. It is not out of fear, I am just fine at home. I mentioned her at a support group and they said we are enabling by driving her and that she may stay home until in her 30s. I don’t know what to think. She seems fine, rarely complains. We did not get along for years and we are in an okay place now.
I don’t know what we should be doing, if anything.
I have joined an art journaling group. It meets once a month. The teacher is a therapist, but it is not therapy. She just charges a donation. She brings up a subject for inspiration. This week she wanted us to bring light to Ukraine. We worked with mandalas which is a circle. I like the way mine turned out. I am not artistic but it is still enjoyable.
I also joined an online journaling group. It disappeared and I thought they weren’t going to have it anymore, but it is back at a different time. It is enjoyable, too.
My therapist emailed me this link on a man who learned late in life, through therapy, how to use his right hemisphere and feel. I asked why he sent it to me and he said he was sharing the importance of working with the right hemisphere. I am still confused. Does he think I don’t use half my brain, that I am unfeeling? I see him Wednesday. I am not sure if I should ask more or just let it go.
I have a cold. I took a test and thankfully it is not Covid. I left work early the other day and have been taking it easy. I will be fine before Monday.
I was contacted on LinkedIn to write something on anxiety for choosingtherapy.com. I wrote a bit about coping skills. I hope it is what they are looking for. If anyone is interested in submitting a story, this is the submission link https://www.choosingtherapy.com/share-your-story/
I don’t know if I have a psychiatrist. I have new insurance and mine is not on the provider list, but I filed for continuation of care which was approved. So, they agreed to cover him. Now, they are asking him to file more paperwork than he is comfortable with. They denied 2 claims. He is only charging me copays. He called my insurance provider , I called, but I have not heard anything yet. I am supposed to have an appointment this week but he will cancel if it is not covered. I did get the name of a psychiatrist on my insurance who is taking new patients but I don’t know much about him, except that he charges a lot if you don’t cancel 24 hours in advance.
My friend turned me on to a hair product. The company is Olaplex. My hair frizzes and it helps tame the curl. I am 57 and finally learning to manage my hair. My daughter has beautiful spiral curls. I just have waves but at least it is not frizzed. I don’t have any stock in the company and I am sure there are other similar products, I am just happy I found something that works for me. And, it goes with my showering habits. I wash my hair 1 x / week and shower without dealing with my hair in between.
They run support groups where I work. I asked about starting a harm reduction or moderation group or SMART Recovery, but they said they are full and they seemed to equate 12 steps with recovery with no other options. They said they will get back to me.
I saw my therapist today telehealth. One thing he asked me was what do I do for fun or to relax. My knee jerk reaction was that I don’t know how, but I corrected myself. I am a couch potato but I enjoy computer games. I am happy on my couch with my dog typing right now. He asked what is one thing I have always wanted to do, for example, travel, and would I be disappointed if I never do it. I rarely travel, and would like to, but I don’t have a dream destination that I would be upset about not going. I can vacation in my backyard. We go on short overnight trips about an hour away that I enjoy.
It did get me thinking, though, I want to visit my sister in Boston when the weather is nicer. She suggested summer or fall, I have been there once when she first moved but it was a different house. She has a lake she likes to go to that I want to see. I can start planning that trip. My nephew is getting married out of the country but I don’t think I will go. I would like to but it won’t upset me not to be there. Just the coat is too much.
I have new health insurance and took a survey and the result said I am depressed but I feel fine. I am going to ignore that result.
I joined this zoom journaling group through the Mighty. I know everyone has a health condition, not sure if it is all mental health. They list prompts, give 10 minutes to write, share and then repeat. It goes for 3 hours but I leave early because I have another zoom, DBSA later. I feel like my writing is rainbows and puppy dogs and other people go deep. They are nice to me, I can’t go this week but I think I will continue. I know I have other emotions they just aren’t being prompted.
i zoomed with endocrinologist after therapist.My labs were good. I told her I stopped keto in dec and don’t want to go back to where I started but I don’t like logging food and counting carbs. She said I can visually see if my meals are less than 1/4 starchy carbs. I fill myself up with veggies. Beans are my main starchy food. I can do that.
I got a call from an old co worker. we worked at an activity center for adults with mental health issues. we have both moved on. he is now working at a new peer advocacy non profit, I don’t know if it is the grass looking greener. I am content where I am but get antsy when I am not busy I have a lot of down time that should change once I can get trained on some more tasks.
The first is a calming essential oil, like lavender. I don’t like that so I got chamomile and an inhaler. I was skeptical but I enjoy the scent.
The next was a photo of a safe scene.it could be a place in nature, whatever you feel is safe. I took a picture of my bedroom with my dog. That is my safe place.
Music. Something relaxing like rainfall or ocean waves. I found some nature sounds on YouTube.
Fabric, an item that is soft to hold. I bought a fuzzy sock at the dollar store.
Lemon drops or sour candy
Some other things he recommended:
Box breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale fir 4 seconds).
Watch a funny show
Take a shower
Throwing something safe, like modeling clay
I told him I did not think I would do the throwing, but he encouraged me to try them all. I bought clay but have not tried throwing it yet.
When I told him I have trouble getting in the shower. I don’t like to get cold. He asked if anything had happened in a bathroom or shower. I did not go into details but told him yes, when I was 8 years old. He told me to have all the coping tools and journal from the perspective of an 8 year old. I don’t know how to do that, so I journaled what I remember. I think the tools helped me stay calm. I don’t believe that has to do with me having trouble with showers, though.
My health insurance changed at the beginning of this year. I have been dealing with the insurance company. Monday it was impossible to get through. Tuesday I was able to chat and call and get most questions answered, I thought. My primary care physician is the same and she can refer me to any specialists. I see an endocrinologist, a sleep disorder pulmonologist, and a specialist dentist who monitors an oral appliance I wear for sleep apnea. But, I need a new psychiatrist and therapist.
I filled out a form for continuation of care with my current psychiatrist hoping I could at least get my meds refilled before I switch. Up until Monday, I thought he was covered, but he isn’t in my IPA, whatever that is, I thought it was a beer. I found a psychologist and had an appointment on Wednesday. He suggested calling my insurance to ask about a psychiatrist and to double check, he, the psychologist, is covered.
The problem is, this insurance covers medical and behavioral health, but they are different departments and don’t seem to communicate. The first person I called said anyone I see has to be in the medical group, which limits me to 4 psychiatrists to choose from and does not include the psychologist. Then, I contacted behavioral health who said the psychologist is covered, it says in network. I was getting conflicting info so I texted and it took all day but I got confirmation that behavioral health is not required to be in the medical group and does not need referrals but medical care does. I screen shot the text in case there are problems.
So, I looked at the list of psychiatrists and called one who seems to have a lot of experience. I found out she is the medical director and I will be treated by a psychiatric nurse practitioner. I am a little uneasy since I have a complex disorder ( schizoaffective disorder). I am stable now and just need medication management. I made an appointment but checked out some of the other psychiatrists. I found another that sounds good that I will call Monday. I am not sure if it will be the same.
Also, I have been taking a medication called modafinil for excessive daytime sleepiness due to sleep apnea even with the appliance. The insurance rejected the order. my dr is trying to get it for me. I am completely out and so so sleepy.
The therapy appointment went well. I told him I feel shame about past mistakes and have trouble forgiving myself. He asked if I would forgive someone else and I said yes. Why the different standard? I first said “I don’t know “ which I learned he does not accept as an answer, so I reflected on it and decided I should be able to forgive myself, but I still don’t know how. Baby steps?
Then I told him I get uneasy sometimes at work when there is a lot of noise and commotion even though I am not directly effected. Or if my husband raises his voice at home. He told me to journal when I feel uneasy. I have not had to deal with loud noises lately, but dealing with all of this insurance stuff gets me worked up. I want to drink to calm down, but I also want to stay sober. So far, sobriety is winning. I have a blood test in February and I am hoping for good results. We agreed to monthly appointments since I am stable.
Did I mention I got my hearing aids.? They work well. A little bit of trouble getting tangled in my mask. They have blue tooth capability and I have them connected to my phone. I am slowly learning how to disconnect if I want to use my phone or I hear nothing. And, I get notifications through the hearing aids. I go back to the audiologist for follow up soon. Sometimes it seems like only one is working and I don’t know if I am doing something.
Hanukkah flew by here with little fanfare. We celebrated the last night at my mother-in-law’s house. Food was great. We lit candles and exchanged gifts. I have been trying to lose weight, stalled at the moment. I received clothes in a smaller size than usual and they fit 🙂 .
We have our little artificial tree up for Christmas. My daughter decorated last night
The hearing aids are now ordered. The audiologist said there is a big difference between basic and premium so I am purchasing the premium. They are supposed to be better at cutting down on background noise. They should come in soon and then I will get fitted. I am excited to. Be able to hear better.
Today is my husband’s birthday. He is working tonight. We may celebrate Friday. We don’t usually do big celebrations but we may go out to dinner.
The stock was bought back before they received my paperwork. I will still get the replacement certificate but will need to go through a broker to sell. I have no clue how that works or where to go, I want something inexpensive since it is just one transaction. I contacted the company but they are not purchasing more.